Letting Go of Shame:  Understanding How Shame Affects Your Life

-Ronald T. Potter-Efron, M.S.W., Ph.D. &

Patricia Potter-Efon, M.S.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Introduction: A Definition of Shame 1

Section One: Understanding Shame

  Introduction 8

     1.  Shame: A Failure of the Whole Self   9

     2.  When Shame is Good   21

     3.  Excessive Shame: The Shame-Based Person   31

     4.  Shame Deficiency   51

Section Two: The Many Sources of Shame

  Introduction 62

     5.  The Roots of Shame   63

     6.  Growing up Shameful:

          Shame and the Family of Origin   73

     7.  Current Shaming Relationships   85

     8.  Shame in Our Culture   97

     9.  How We Shame Ourselves   109

Section Three: Healing Shame's Wounds

  Introduction 118

     10.  Healing the Wounds of Shame:

            The Understanding Phase   119

     11.  Healing the Wounds of Shame: The Action Phase   131

     12.  Healing Shame from the Family of Origin   145

     13.  Healing Shame in Current Relationships   163

     14.  Healing the Wounds of Self-Inflicted Shame   181

     15.  Help for the Shame-Deficient Person   195

Epilogue   205

Select Bibliography   207

Index   209

Letting Go of Shame reminds us that feeling shame is neither always good nor always bad.  It is our response to the feeling that improves or corrodes our lives.

When shame is temporary, it can be a great teacher- good shame enhances our self-awareness and our relationships with others.  Recognizing that even deeply shamed persons can learn to treat themselves with honor, the authors help us begin the painful, but hope-filled, process of healing our shame.

Letting Go of Shame helps us identify our shame and the biological, psychological, and cultural factors that produce shame.  Practical exercises in each chapter guide us through the process of understanding shame and following and effective plan of action when shame disconnects us from others and ourselves.

A great resource for understanding and coping with shame, this book offers practical information about:

• When shame is good

• Excessive shame

• Shame deficiency

• Growing up shameful

• Shame in our relationships and culture

• How we shame ourselves

• Healing the wounds of shame

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